Devin Dearing Preston: NYC writer, playwright, and storyteller

Before Women put out, Men wooed

September 8, 2010

Love is not new. I would venture to say that it is quite ancient. Thus, the celebration of love in the form of sexual intercourse is nowhere near new either. People have been doing it since there where people. We had to. To guarantee that there would continue to be people. And maybe, back then, love had nothing to do with it. I get it. So a really long ass time ago, everybody did it. All the time.  With the strongest, healthiest and brightest. To make babies. Stronger, healthier, brighter babies. And thank goodness they did, because we are all still here. And we as humans have thrived. The bright ones have even come up with great things like ipads and biodegradable potato chip bags. Yay sex!!

But over the years, society grew. Rules developed. The church stepped in and tried to mandate guidelines to control our oh so natural instincts. And it half worked. It became common practice to wait for intercourse until after marriage. That’s right people, I said after. (Don’t worry, everyone married very young) We wanted our mother’s and babies to be taken care of, is all.  You could not expect to know a woman “biblically” until you promised in church in front of god and all your friends and family, that you would always be there for each other. Period. No promise, no pussy. And so every respectable girl, from a good family, longed for marriage, so she could learn what all the fuss was about. (I imagine) That, and all women love sparkly rings, poufy white dresses and parties with giant cakes and bad cover bands. I think its coded in our DNA somewhere. I feel like I’m giving an ancient history lesson. But honestly, this did happen once upon a time. My grandparents, who were married in the forties, didn’t fornicate until they were bound together for life. My grandmother’s insistence on waiting is why they got married in the first place. Scary, right?

And I’m not naive enough to believe that premarital sex is new. Of course it happened. Probably more than our past generations are willing to admit. But, it was definitely dangerous and taboo fifty years ago. And even though people did it, they definitely didn’t talk about it. Or joke about it. Or make sitcoms and movies about it. It was a very lucky exception to the rule. Not the understood rule like it is today. Most respectable girls were holding out. At least until they were engaged. So there. I think this is the place in time where “Just the tip?” was born, don’t you?

Some people are still waiting for marriage.

You’re right, readers. That couldn’t possibly be true. Can I get a LOL? Our society has become so saturated with sex that it is impossible to avoid. Even if you want to. The question is no longer “Are you a virgin?” but “When did you loose your virginity?” I was 19, which I’ve learned was quite late by today’s standards. The popularity of Sex in the City has solidified casual sexes place in our time. Our grandmothers had June Clever. We have Samantha Jones. And the jury is still out on which generation is more fucked. 

It should be liberating that women now have the freedom to take the pill and sleep with whom ever they please, even if they have no intension of ever marrying them. The myth is that it gives us more power and freedom. But the double standard still looms. There is still no name for a man who sleeps with a lot of women out of wedlock. Oh wait, yes there is: Player, Stud, Ladies man, Bartender. And of course Baby Daddy. There are way too many for a female who does the same. We all know they aren’t as nice. Mean is actually what they are. And hurtful. So I won’t list them. But Tart and Floozy happen to be two of my favorites.

I over heard four young men on the train talking the other night about love in our time. Well, it was really one young studly man advising his friend on how it works with American girls.

“You gotta wait, dude. Once you get her number, give it like two to six days at least. The longer you wait to call, the wetter her pussy.” Punctuated by an enthusiastic high five.

I’m not making this up. But I really wish I was. Forgive me, but I can’t imagine my grandfather giving his buddies the same advice. The assumption is that the girl in question is going to sleep with you. The longer you make her wait, I’m guessing, the more she is going to want to?? Is this really what romance has been reduced to? Is this why guys don’t call when they say they are going to?? To ensure the sufficient lubrication of my vagina?

I can only imagine, but back before sex was a guarantee, men had to do a lot more to convince women to sleep with them. They had to be creative. Chivalrous. Take us out dancing. Show us signs of devotion and sincerity. Some even wrote love letters. Impress our families. Befriend our friends. Shower us with gifts. At least pretend to be interested in a future together. Surely they did a lot more than wait six days before calling. Let’s be honest, he isn’t even talking about a call. A text is all this girl in question is going to receive. How romantic.

I would be lying if I said this strategy has never worked on me. It has. It works on the same psychology that makes you do something people tell you that you can’t do. Why do we always want something we can’t have? Men make you think they don’t want you, so you will do anything to keep them. (Even if you don’t know them well enough to know if they are even worth keeping) They are banking on this in fact. All in the name of love?? I’ve played into this game. And if you haven’t, good for you!! Your self-esteem is infinitely higher then average.

But my question ladies is this, when did we all become so damn easy?? This game works both ways. Men also want what they can’t have. Somewhere along the way women have perceived that we have lost the upper hand. Its only a perception and isn’t at all true. We haven’t. We still have what men want. Vaginas. And I think we should make a pact that men have to work a little harder if they want to be granted entry.

Categories: See Jane Give Up Dick

Comments (3)


  1. TLCNYC says:

    September 8, 2010

    Sad but oh so very very true. Reply

  2. shawna burton says:

    September 9, 2010

    u r so smart!omg u r so smart!yep I have read love letters from grandpa hitt......they were in his foot locker.......they were romantic.and yes u r so right she said no sex till we get married!I miss her so badly! u were 19/i was alot younger!I was molested at 3/and it kinda followed me i felt like i had one of those paper things taped on my back saying do whatever u want to me I wont fight back too long and I wont tell...finally I got sick of being a victim!i started lifting weigths and fighting back slowlly but surely!by the time i was 17 I gave up men.......i tried the other side the fence.......dont go there!its worse!its fun but women are more special than men...well the ones i saw anyways.....then I got married.had kids grew up a little faster...i must say after so mny yrs together he changed.he grew down as i grew up.broke my heart.our marriage ended due to drugs and infidelaty.what I am trying to say hold ur ground be u u will know when he is the one bc he worked so hard to be the one and never gave up......my ex was that.....married 13 yrs.together 14.apart 2 now.communication is key!any relationship can end without this!
    u r so smart i telling all i know u gota read this she is so dam smart!
    keep going dwn the path ur on god will lead u
    follow ur heart and dnt loose ur brain along the way!
    ur 35 yr old cousin
    Shawna LeeAnn Reply

    • waitresseesall says:

      September 17, 2010

      Thanks Shawna!! You are a very strong and brave woman. I'm sorry to hear that you had the misfortune of loosing your innocents so young. Its an experience that is hard to shake. And you know, probably more than I how that can begin to shape the rest of your life. Congrats on your journey as well. And your beautiful family. And thank you for reading. And sharing your story with me. Reply

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