Devin Dearing Preston: NYC writer, playwright, and storyteller

Do we have to talk about this?

July 10, 2010

The online dating adventure continues. This go round I joined Okcupid. It’s totally free. But luckily looks like a pay sight, and the guys aren’t as bottom of the barrel as some other free sites (aka plenty of fish). 

Okcupid has a unique way of showing you with whom you are compatible. Which, I like. It takes some of the guess-work out of it for you. Even though your gut has a really good “freak” reflex. The “not quite right” reflex is a little bit harder to cultivate. In their paten pending system, you have to answer a series of questions. There are over 2,300 questions, but most people answer only 75-100. These questions range in topic from lifestyle, to romance, to personality, to sex. 

“What is your relationship with marijuana?”

“Could you date someone who doesn’t like kids?”

“Is it okay to let yourself go after you get into a long-term loving relationship?”


“Are you good with money?”

“How important is it that your mate smell good?”

“If your partner asked nicely, would you be willing to perform analingus?”*

These are usually multiple choice or yes or no. You answer what you think. Then you answer what your ideal mate would say and rate how important it is that he answer that way. The scale goes from irrelevant to Mandatory. Then the computer takes everyone’s answers and computes how right you are for each other based on your matching responses. Its kinda cool. And really voyeuristic. You could basically know everything you ever wanted to know about someone, and even stuff you didn’t want to know, before you ever agree to meet them.

One good thing, you are not required to answer publicly. So, complete strangers don’t get to know you like eating ass. Unless you want them to. You can choose instead to wait until the fourth or fifth time you are intimate to bring it up with them. Or maybe, while enjoying some chocolate moose after a nice fancy dinner. 

I guess the part that stumps me is, do there really need to be this many questions? What happened to a little mystery? Would it kill us to be coy? Shouldn’t we just cover deal breakers?

“Have you ever killed someone?”

“Are you addicted to heroin?”

“Do you watch Fox News?”

But then again, maybe wether or not you eat ass is someone else’s deal breaker. “I don’t care what she looks like, as long ass she likes licking my butt hole.”

I think I just found my new deal breaker. And I’m strangely thankful to Okcupid for helping come to this conclusion. 

*These are actual questions. No joke.

Categories: See Jane Give Up Dick

Comments (2)

  1. Cristina says:

    July 26, 2010

    Devin, what a master of the written word... This is hilarious!!!!! Reply

    • waitresseesall says:

      July 26, 2010

      Thanks Cristina!!! I don't know if I'm a master yet... but I appreciate the feedback. Reply

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