Devin Dearing Preston: NYC writer, playwright, and storyteller

Linda wants a cock cake

September 3, 2009

Regulars. A very strange and vital part of the restaurant business. If you want your restaurant to be successful, you need to get yourself some of these loyal patrons. People who, for whatever reason, have incorporated your establishment into their daily lives.

At my place we have a small group of bar regulars. Day drinkers. Some might call them alcoholics. But not us. We aren’t here to judge. We are here to take their money and make sure they come back day after day. They know all our names. They are friends with both chef’s. They get free food. Free rounds. And a place to talk about the lives they are not living while they spend every afternoon drinking with us. Most are in from 12-5 or 6, four to five times a week. Some of these people log more hours at the restaurant than I do. Kinda scary.

So, when one of our “friends” is having a birthday, we pull out all the stops. A birthday card is bought. And passed around for all the employees to sign. “We love you so much, keep up the drinking!” A game plan is thought up on what kind of cake to get them. Can Cj make it? Now, Berney, King of the regulars, and also dirty old man extraordinaire, had his birthday in early August. (Making him a Leo, which seems fitting) As an homage to all the working girls he parades through our establishment, he got a cake that resembled a female torso. Naked. Yes, boobs, snatch and all. So it only seems fitting that his compatriot would request the same treatment.

The big challenge yesterday was, how are we going to make Linda a cock cake. If we had planned ahead, a mold could have been bought and the cake could be made quite simply. But, as the request was made jokingly after her forth glass of chardonay, the chef’s had to scramble. The best they could come up with was an upright eclair flanked by two chocolate cupcakes. With a candle of course. The whole staff gather round and sang “Happy Birthday”. And then she proceeded to give Felacio to her own birthday cake.  It was a sight to see, I’ll tell you what.

Its all about customer service at our restaurant. And showing the drunks a good time. A good time was definitely had by all.

Categories: Waiting is the Hardest Part

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