Whad’ re you doin’?
You sure are makin’ quit a fuss over yer dear ol’ dad. It’s been so long, sweetheart. Can’t ya jest let sleepin’ dogs lie?
Ah understand that Ah wasn’t always the best father. But y’all turned out alright, didn’tchya? Okay, so Ah probably owe ya an apology or two. You should know that I only ever wanted what was best for you and Gill. Honest. I very much hope you guys are figurin’ things out for yerselves. Mindin’ yer manners and makin’ me proud.
Listen, I git how upset ya might be about me passin’ on. I jest couldn’t take no more livin’, ya understand? You gotta let it go, darlin’. No, Ah won’t be there to walk you down the aisle or hold my grandson. Ah do regret that. But, I never was too good at all that stuff anyway. I hope yer future husband treats ya right and isn’t a fuck up like yours truly.
Ah do know that baby of yers will be perfect. You can call ‘im Flynt, if ya want to. Or Walter after yer granpa. Or whatever you want, we are dead what do we care?
Did I ever tell you about the first time Ah held you in ma arms? It was really sumthin’, Dev. Ah thought, “Now this here child is real special.” You saved my life in a lot a ways that day, Dev. So small and helpless and beautiful. I do regret that I wasn’t always there fer ya. That me and yer mom didn’t work out. How is Sam? Or that I dragged you to bars all those times. I also hope my drinkin’ never made you feel unsafe. Or caused you to worry too much. If it did, I’m sorry for that. You were always such a good daughter, checkin’ up on yer old man. Ah appreciated it, Dev, I really did.
Ah always loved ya. And Ah will never stop. In fact, I love you this much. (remember that?) Yes, I called it quits a little early. I had done all the livin’ I cared to do. At some point, Dev, you gotta accept it and move on.
Do it for me.
Categories: Letters I Will Never Send